What girls tell their friends after having xxx with a guy

 

However, we will still share quite a lot with our besties, hence why we snigger when we hear you say the word ‘lift’.

Here’s what we tell our friends about you behind your back after we’ve slept with you.

1. How hairy you are

Womankind is divided into those who like bears and those who like babes. There’s no right or wrong but extra discussions will be held if you have unusually-shaped patches in unexpected places.

2. Seduction technique

As in ‘he just pokes me in the back with a semi and the words “fancy a fck?”‘.

3. Bacne

Not so much to judge, more to brainstorm ideas on how to cure.

4. That weird thing you like

This is the reason we can’t look you in the eye when you’re holding a mini milk.

5. That other weird thing you like

And whether it could lead to a yeast infection.

6. Whether you do ‘the throw down’

If you don’t know, then you probably don’t.

7. Your Pen is preferences

Plus a discussion on whether we should be worried that, even though we’re blonde caucasian, it’s all Asian babes.

8. How well you navigated the condom bit

It’s not like we’re marking you out of 10 here but, if you first say you don’t want to use one, begrudgingly pick one up, moan it’s not the same then can’t actually perform with one then, er, that’s a fail.

9. Location, Location, Location

Was it in a lift? Was it in the sea? Was it in a Vauxhall Corsa in Morrison’s car park?

These are details that must and will be shared.

10. How thoughtful you are

Did you go get a glass of water after going down on us or did you try the creepy vag to mouth kiss?

Were your bed sheets lady-friendly? Did you make us a bacon sandwich after?

11. How it was for us

Again, not in a ‘grading your homework’ sort of way, more in a ‘I wonder where he got the idea for that?’ sort of way.

12. Size